National News Service - Ottumwa, Texas: Obama is planning to wipe out all God-fearing Americans with an army of zombies from Mars, says Jethro Bodeen of Ottumwa, Texas. "I done seen 'em!" swears the Christian, Republican local pig farmer, who has impeccable credentials with the Texas Tea Party.
"I was out in the field, spreadin' the slop around, when a giant spacecraft landed right in the lower forty" he swore incredulously. "I hid behind the barn, and I saw a limousine with flags on it with the presidential seal on 'em, pull right up to the spaceship. Little green men that looked like Nancy Pelosi without hair got out and greeted the men from the limousine. . A black man with big ears shook hands with them, and I heard the aliens tell him that 'Everything was going according to plan', and that legions of Mars-zombies would be delivered in time for the November elections".
Mr. Bodeen states that he saw the man offer to pay the Martians with a trunkload of greenbacks, but the aliens refused it, saying they were happy to help for free, because they "hated our Freedoms".
The plucky Texan then made his way back to his house and called the only person he could trust in such a crisis - Sarah Palin.
"At first her people didn't want to put me through," said Jethro, "but once they related my story, I could hear her in the background say 'I totally believe that!', and she got on the phone with me."
Our sources tell us that the ex-governor of Alaska got right on it, and within hours the story was passed on to the GOP fact-confirmation headquarters in Rush Limbaugh's basement. They verified that the story passed their criteria for trustworthiness ("it came from a church-going, good ol' boy from a Red State who Loves His Freedom, after all" they later explained), and within minutes the dire warning was being broadcast to fair-minded talk show stations throughout America.
Be very afraid, America! Anyone who takes advantage of Obama's nazi-inspired, socialist, satanic, end-of-the-world Health Care plan to get medical attention for his family will be shunted to doctors trained by the aliens to implant Martian Zombie genes into their bloodstreams, and when the time is right, they will be transformed into drooling, mindless, automatons, or even worse - liberals! Don't be fooled!
Rush Limbaugh said it, so you know it must be true.
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